R-E-S-P-E-C-T.... W-O-M-E-N
About an hour ago I almost died.
Literally.
NOTE: I try to keep a fairly clean blog, but this time there might be some colorful language in this entry to express the point I'm trying to make a little more passionately. You've been warned.
Something happened to me over the weekend and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it was affecting me in a really consuming way. So consuming in fact, that as I was walking home from French class tonight, I was in such a focused, deep-thoughts kind of place that I walked out into the street from a blind spot into busy traffic. I didn't even realize I had done it until I was on the other side of the street. I guess I remember headlights coming at me. Very close. I don't really remember hearing horns or brakes or anything like that.
I don't really believe in god or guardian angels or anything like that. I guess the drivers were just all paying attention enough that when a big guy dressed all in black from head to toe stepped out in front of their cars in the darkness, they somehow managed to see me and avoided taking me out. So I guess I decided I'd better write some of this down and get it off my chest before I walk in front of speeding cars again.
I'm a fairly peaceful guy. I can't tell you how many times in the course of my life if I mention that I don't like someone people always respond, "Man, you like everyone! What did they do to you to get on your bad side?" And I'll admit, I do have a classic Irish temper. Lots of smiles and laughing until I get pushed too far... and then... run for cover.
But this is not directed at any one person. What initially set me off this weekend has apparently been pressure cooking away for a couple of decades and it finally decided it was time to hatch.
Let me digress for a minute here. I was talking the other day about the situation in the Middle East and I was trying to come up with a personal experience that would make me so angry that I would become violent about it. That it would make me want to take revenge even though I'm not "an eye for an eye" kind of guy. The only thing I could come up with was if someone did something unspeakable to one of my close women friends. Tears actually started to stream down my face as I talked about it. As I tried to imagine how I would feel.
But it goes beyond women I know and care about. It goes to all women. I have become very angry with the way women are treated in the world. And I mean the whole world. From Darfur to New York to Zhejiang to everywhere in between. There are few societies that treat women with the respect they deserve. And there are certainly extremes, but now that I've cast such a wide net, let me pull it in and focus the beam a little bit.
I want to ask all the men reading this: When you interact with a woman, be it in a long term relationship or an elevator ride, if there is an exchange, be it verbal or otherwise, does she leave your company feeling better or worse about herself? I don't mean to say that women are so fragile that they can't handle themselves in the world. On the contrary. Women are so much stronger than most give them credit for.
This isn't about protection or sheltering. This is about respect.
RESPECT.
From the time they are aware of their surroundings, even as small children, women are subjected to a barrage of imagery, social traditions and man-made limits and expectations that are the supposed norm for women. Fast forward 15 years or so and many women have had their self-esteem just chipped away by so many things. Then come the eating disorders. Abusive relationships. And worse. Not all women go through these internal battles, but every time you hear a normal woman look at herself in the mirror and say she's fat, you're hearing the results of decades of undermined self-esteem.
Men don't help. In fact I have seen first hand the damage that men can do. And I guess I should stop and say that this goes for all relationships, women who date other women and gay men as well. This is about respect for all humans. But it seems that in relationships involving a man and a woman, there is a dynamic that just isn't present in the other variations of human relationships.
As I said before, I don't really believe in god. I'm open to the possibility of some sort of spirituality out there in terms of a universal energy that keeps all of our clocks ticking, but I'm not really sure about anything beyond that.
But I do believe in the Goddess. The more I learn about the Pagans, the more I like them. Not all of the ritual sacrifice stuff, but the idea that women are creators and should be respected and revered. Again, I'm not saying women are angels who never get dirty. I'm saying that when you interact with a woman, the idea that she can create life and you can't should never be far from your consciousness. She may never choose to do so, but it's her choice.
And before you say it also takes a man to create life, you're right. But honestly, the man's role in creating life is kind of like showing up in Beijing with a can of soup, hoping to feed the country. It's a nice gesture, but it's a little more complicated than that.
Let's get back to that question again. When you interact with a woman do you make her feel better about herself or not? Does a woman feel good after she's been with you? And if you're grabbing your package right now and saying to yourself, "Hell yeah she feels good when I get done with her," you're a fucking asshole and you've perfectly illustrated my point.
I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to respect for women. I hold doors. I stand up when a woman gets up from the table or returns. But I don't do it because I believe in some kind of Victorian honor or something. It's simply a way of showing respect. I don't do it to impress. Most women don't even notice I'm doing it. It's a gesture that symbolizes a deep deference to any woman that I'm with. I'm honoring her both as an individual and as a part of a greater whole of the goddess.
Part of the reason all this came up this weekend is that I have been exhibiting some of my photography at Echo Gallery here in Chicago. I'm showing with several other artists who are expressing their own artistic viewpoints and philosophies along with me. I'm showing my several themes of my nude work.
There are some who would say, and who have said, that since I'm displaying images of naked women, I'm objectifying them and that I'm contributing to the same self-esteem chipping that makes me furious when I see others doing it. I welcome the argument because I feel what I'm doing is precisely the opposite.
I have to digress again for a moment and say one of the things I am least proud of as an American is our, in my opinion, completely stunted collective beliefs in sex, our bodies and what is "good and bad" in regards to those areas. We repress our nakedness and our sexuality, but we sell things using the same nakedness and sexuality (in a much more unhealthy way) that some believe should be kept under wraps. Many of us are taught that our bodies and the instincts that go with them are bad. Combine that with Stuff and FHM at the checkout counter and we've created at best confusion and at worse a kind of petri dish of damaging behavior on the parts of both men and women. Men are teased to the point of stupidity and women are taught they'll never be anything if their bodies aren't oiled up and perfect.
So back to my art. In this exhibit in particular I'm showing a side of my work that is far more erotic than anything I've ever shown in public before. But again, going back to my belief in the goddess, I would insist that my work is elevating women, not objectifying them. The way I photograph them is simply about inspiration to me. I am in awe of women and images I make of them are simply a reflection of that. I believe my art is extremely positive. The comments I heard again and again in the gallery receptions would bear this out. In fact women seem to make up the majority of the people who are the most vocal about how much it moves them.
In my work I show more of a woman's body than you see on covers on the magazine racks, but I think the meaning behind it is so much more healthy and positive than Stuff. It's like when you look at one of those covers the reaction it's designed to invoke in you is probably a bit animalisitc. Okay fine. But when you look at my art, you see more of a woman, but I think it evokes a much more peaceful emotion. It's not that it isn't sexual necesarily. I guess art evokes different things in different people. But I really don't think most people who look at my art find themselves muttering to themselves, "Oh fuck yeah, I've gotta tap that."
I want women to look at my work and feel good about themselves, not feel fat. I want men to look at my work and see something amazing about women that maybe they never thought of before. Something like respect. I never photograph women who have enhanced themselves with plastic. I really hope that trend wears itself out sometime very soon. Men: Stop encouraging it, okay? People in the future are going to look back on breast enlargements and shake their heads the way we are amazed that people once believed the world was flat.... no pun intended. It's pointless and it makes women feel bad about themselves. Knock that shit off already!
And if you do find yourself in the fortunate position that a woman has decided to let you know her in the most intimate way possible, would you please take a moment to understand what she is giving you? Would you please show her a bit of honor? A very good friend of mine once told me she believes that everyone we sleep with leaves a little imprint of themselves on us. Ask yourself the question: What imprint am I leaving with her. Am I showing her respect? Are you going to leave her confused because you got what you wanted and aren't interested in her anymore? Chip, chip, chip.
I want to be clear. I am as turned on by women as anyone else out there. I get terribly horny. But I think there is a positive way to have a relationship with a woman and a negative way. Not every relationship is meant to be a lasting one. One night stands are a fact of life. But if we all respect ourselves and each other we can experience the good of who we are and what we desire without tearing each other down every time we decide to really know each other.
What an amazing thing it is to wake up in the morning, open your eyes and see someone you love, just inches from your face. Maybe they're still sleeping and you can feel their breath on your face. Maybe they're awake already and you have a small moment of wonder of how amazing the other one is before one of you says a word.
This is to the men: If you find yourself in a position like that, be amazed. Be amazed that you're there. Understand how lucky you are that this goddess is lying there next to you. She may not look like Jessica Alba on the cover of FHM, but she's still a goddess. She can create life and you're lying there with your measly can of soup. Appreciate her. For the love of all that is good in this world... respect her.
... Or my mostly peaceful but suddenly furious Irish ass will rain down pain on you like you've never known.
Literally.
NOTE: I try to keep a fairly clean blog, but this time there might be some colorful language in this entry to express the point I'm trying to make a little more passionately. You've been warned.
Something happened to me over the weekend and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it was affecting me in a really consuming way. So consuming in fact, that as I was walking home from French class tonight, I was in such a focused, deep-thoughts kind of place that I walked out into the street from a blind spot into busy traffic. I didn't even realize I had done it until I was on the other side of the street. I guess I remember headlights coming at me. Very close. I don't really remember hearing horns or brakes or anything like that.
I don't really believe in god or guardian angels or anything like that. I guess the drivers were just all paying attention enough that when a big guy dressed all in black from head to toe stepped out in front of their cars in the darkness, they somehow managed to see me and avoided taking me out. So I guess I decided I'd better write some of this down and get it off my chest before I walk in front of speeding cars again.
I'm a fairly peaceful guy. I can't tell you how many times in the course of my life if I mention that I don't like someone people always respond, "Man, you like everyone! What did they do to you to get on your bad side?" And I'll admit, I do have a classic Irish temper. Lots of smiles and laughing until I get pushed too far... and then... run for cover.
But this is not directed at any one person. What initially set me off this weekend has apparently been pressure cooking away for a couple of decades and it finally decided it was time to hatch.
Let me digress for a minute here. I was talking the other day about the situation in the Middle East and I was trying to come up with a personal experience that would make me so angry that I would become violent about it. That it would make me want to take revenge even though I'm not "an eye for an eye" kind of guy. The only thing I could come up with was if someone did something unspeakable to one of my close women friends. Tears actually started to stream down my face as I talked about it. As I tried to imagine how I would feel.
But it goes beyond women I know and care about. It goes to all women. I have become very angry with the way women are treated in the world. And I mean the whole world. From Darfur to New York to Zhejiang to everywhere in between. There are few societies that treat women with the respect they deserve. And there are certainly extremes, but now that I've cast such a wide net, let me pull it in and focus the beam a little bit.
I want to ask all the men reading this: When you interact with a woman, be it in a long term relationship or an elevator ride, if there is an exchange, be it verbal or otherwise, does she leave your company feeling better or worse about herself? I don't mean to say that women are so fragile that they can't handle themselves in the world. On the contrary. Women are so much stronger than most give them credit for.
This isn't about protection or sheltering. This is about respect.
RESPECT.
From the time they are aware of their surroundings, even as small children, women are subjected to a barrage of imagery, social traditions and man-made limits and expectations that are the supposed norm for women. Fast forward 15 years or so and many women have had their self-esteem just chipped away by so many things. Then come the eating disorders. Abusive relationships. And worse. Not all women go through these internal battles, but every time you hear a normal woman look at herself in the mirror and say she's fat, you're hearing the results of decades of undermined self-esteem.
Men don't help. In fact I have seen first hand the damage that men can do. And I guess I should stop and say that this goes for all relationships, women who date other women and gay men as well. This is about respect for all humans. But it seems that in relationships involving a man and a woman, there is a dynamic that just isn't present in the other variations of human relationships.
As I said before, I don't really believe in god. I'm open to the possibility of some sort of spirituality out there in terms of a universal energy that keeps all of our clocks ticking, but I'm not really sure about anything beyond that.
But I do believe in the Goddess. The more I learn about the Pagans, the more I like them. Not all of the ritual sacrifice stuff, but the idea that women are creators and should be respected and revered. Again, I'm not saying women are angels who never get dirty. I'm saying that when you interact with a woman, the idea that she can create life and you can't should never be far from your consciousness. She may never choose to do so, but it's her choice.
And before you say it also takes a man to create life, you're right. But honestly, the man's role in creating life is kind of like showing up in Beijing with a can of soup, hoping to feed the country. It's a nice gesture, but it's a little more complicated than that.
Let's get back to that question again. When you interact with a woman do you make her feel better about herself or not? Does a woman feel good after she's been with you? And if you're grabbing your package right now and saying to yourself, "Hell yeah she feels good when I get done with her," you're a fucking asshole and you've perfectly illustrated my point.
I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to respect for women. I hold doors. I stand up when a woman gets up from the table or returns. But I don't do it because I believe in some kind of Victorian honor or something. It's simply a way of showing respect. I don't do it to impress. Most women don't even notice I'm doing it. It's a gesture that symbolizes a deep deference to any woman that I'm with. I'm honoring her both as an individual and as a part of a greater whole of the goddess.
Part of the reason all this came up this weekend is that I have been exhibiting some of my photography at Echo Gallery here in Chicago. I'm showing with several other artists who are expressing their own artistic viewpoints and philosophies along with me. I'm showing my several themes of my nude work.
There are some who would say, and who have said, that since I'm displaying images of naked women, I'm objectifying them and that I'm contributing to the same self-esteem chipping that makes me furious when I see others doing it. I welcome the argument because I feel what I'm doing is precisely the opposite.
I have to digress again for a moment and say one of the things I am least proud of as an American is our, in my opinion, completely stunted collective beliefs in sex, our bodies and what is "good and bad" in regards to those areas. We repress our nakedness and our sexuality, but we sell things using the same nakedness and sexuality (in a much more unhealthy way) that some believe should be kept under wraps. Many of us are taught that our bodies and the instincts that go with them are bad. Combine that with Stuff and FHM at the checkout counter and we've created at best confusion and at worse a kind of petri dish of damaging behavior on the parts of both men and women. Men are teased to the point of stupidity and women are taught they'll never be anything if their bodies aren't oiled up and perfect.
So back to my art. In this exhibit in particular I'm showing a side of my work that is far more erotic than anything I've ever shown in public before. But again, going back to my belief in the goddess, I would insist that my work is elevating women, not objectifying them. The way I photograph them is simply about inspiration to me. I am in awe of women and images I make of them are simply a reflection of that. I believe my art is extremely positive. The comments I heard again and again in the gallery receptions would bear this out. In fact women seem to make up the majority of the people who are the most vocal about how much it moves them.
In my work I show more of a woman's body than you see on covers on the magazine racks, but I think the meaning behind it is so much more healthy and positive than Stuff. It's like when you look at one of those covers the reaction it's designed to invoke in you is probably a bit animalisitc. Okay fine. But when you look at my art, you see more of a woman, but I think it evokes a much more peaceful emotion. It's not that it isn't sexual necesarily. I guess art evokes different things in different people. But I really don't think most people who look at my art find themselves muttering to themselves, "Oh fuck yeah, I've gotta tap that."
I want women to look at my work and feel good about themselves, not feel fat. I want men to look at my work and see something amazing about women that maybe they never thought of before. Something like respect. I never photograph women who have enhanced themselves with plastic. I really hope that trend wears itself out sometime very soon. Men: Stop encouraging it, okay? People in the future are going to look back on breast enlargements and shake their heads the way we are amazed that people once believed the world was flat.... no pun intended. It's pointless and it makes women feel bad about themselves. Knock that shit off already!
And if you do find yourself in the fortunate position that a woman has decided to let you know her in the most intimate way possible, would you please take a moment to understand what she is giving you? Would you please show her a bit of honor? A very good friend of mine once told me she believes that everyone we sleep with leaves a little imprint of themselves on us. Ask yourself the question: What imprint am I leaving with her. Am I showing her respect? Are you going to leave her confused because you got what you wanted and aren't interested in her anymore? Chip, chip, chip.
I want to be clear. I am as turned on by women as anyone else out there. I get terribly horny. But I think there is a positive way to have a relationship with a woman and a negative way. Not every relationship is meant to be a lasting one. One night stands are a fact of life. But if we all respect ourselves and each other we can experience the good of who we are and what we desire without tearing each other down every time we decide to really know each other.
What an amazing thing it is to wake up in the morning, open your eyes and see someone you love, just inches from your face. Maybe they're still sleeping and you can feel their breath on your face. Maybe they're awake already and you have a small moment of wonder of how amazing the other one is before one of you says a word.
This is to the men: If you find yourself in a position like that, be amazed. Be amazed that you're there. Understand how lucky you are that this goddess is lying there next to you. She may not look like Jessica Alba on the cover of FHM, but she's still a goddess. She can create life and you're lying there with your measly can of soup. Appreciate her. For the love of all that is good in this world... respect her.
... Or my mostly peaceful but suddenly furious Irish ass will rain down pain on you like you've never known.
posted by Billy Sheahan at 12:03 AM
1 Comments:
Billy,
I am really, really glad you did not get killed on February 28th. One of my best friends was electrocuted on January 15th on the CTA's Green line at Clinton, I'd known him for 33 years, and having you, who I've known your whole life, get pulverized by someone's Yugo, assuming that you did not outlive the car, would probably have put me in La La Tra La Land like certain other people we know, if I am not already there.
Artists always have a hard time with people understanding their work. It's part of the deal doppleganger, and you cannot get away from it.
God knows people have trouble understanding mine sometimes, soley for the need of a good editor. (Joke)
Do you understand the cultural roots that make this a particular problem for you oh son of Erin?
The Irish adore their women in ways that other cultures never have. I won't insult any by naming them, but as a culture, not necessarily as individuals, the Irish men have always placed women at the center of their lives and hearts, and above them in many ways in reverance.
This became even more true with St. Patrick's conversion of the Irish and the influence of Mary, even more so, when St. Bridgid, founder of so may Irish convents and follower of Patrick kept the Irish church growing.
Of course, before the Church of Rome had complete influence over all Ireland, there was a time when the religious practices of the Irish differed from the Italians, and they all boiled down to this - Respect!
The role of Irish women was roughly equal to Irish men, they could hold nearly all legal offices, and religous were free to marry. That of course changed.
But the importance of women to the Irish never did. And the anger you feel at abuse of women around the world has in its cultural roots, the assumptions of your own cultural heritage.
You may also want to examine whether there are other parts of your cultural heritage that are bringing about some rage as well. That would not be surprising if your knowlege of history has grown and expanded as your work has taken you more into an international audience.
C.Q. has learned many things during her time in the peace corps and regularly sends me things that would bother you greatly.
That is enough for now.
Another way to respect women of course is to be present in their lives when you can. You know who I am talking about. Even some of the others would like to see you too now and then. That's me. Time flies. Imagine if you had died that day, what loss people might have had, not having had much time with you lately. Of course, that works the other way around to.
#4 had some cardiac exploratory work done yesterday and nothing needed to be done, but it was a bit raw for me if you know what I mean. Herself (mine) is also not so good. Having, like me, also been in an auto accident. She was rear-ended by an SUV on 12/23.
Well to make up for all that here is the link to my incredibly long post of Irish Jokes, may it fill you with mirth and lessen your anger. There are some really funny ones here (I stole them from email!!!)
The Peter Files Blog's Irish Jokes Post
More than enough for now. I am in the book.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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