I can't vote

Dammit.

I went to go register to vote because I've moved since the last election. I missed the registration deadline by 3 days. It's my own fault. Too much going on. Too many things. Not enough help.

I find myself wanting to have a super power. Not the ability to fly or be invisible or anything like that. I want the ability to not have to sleep. I have so much I want to accomplish, I could work around the clock and still not be done.

And now I've missed yet another deadline.

I can't vote.

It makes me sad.

Just a photo

I spent the weekend rebuilding a sick computer. Hate to waste a day doing that, but if I didn't, it would have slowed me down in small little increments over the next few months. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and think of the long term.

But in the midst of reloading software all day, I came across this image. Not quite a year old, but it seems like much longer. I like it. A lot.

It's Jillian Ann. It's been a while since we've shot. We must make a point of working together again sometime soon.

New Experiences

Music is an amazing thing. I love live music and I don't get out to hear enough of it these days. But sometimes the opportunity almost literally knocks at your door and you'd be foolish not to answer.

Such was the case this past weekend. I live in a building full of artists, models, actors, other photographers and musicians. It's a good group of people. One floor up from me is an organization called Music in the Loft. It's basically a very generous couple who has decided to support young emerging classic musicians by turning their home into a residence for select artists to grow and perform their work.

They have a program of about ten performance weekends a year and on Saturday I saw an amazing string quartet called The Biava Quartet. They were total rock stars. First hey played the String Quartet No. 6 in F minor by Mendelssohn, a really aggressive moody piece, which sort of mirrored my mood that day, so it was pretty cool.

Then they played the world premiere of String Quartet No. 2: Demons and Angels by Stacy Garrop. Another very dark piece. It's actually about a former boyfriend of hers who actually turned out to be a murderer. Pretty intense. She was there and it was really fascinating to be there to see that unveiled.

Out of pain... art.

The final piece was much more light. The String Quartet in G minor by Claude Debussy, one of my new recent favorite composers. Clair de Lune is one of my favorite pieces of music of all time. Crushingly beautiful. When I go, I want them to play that when they scatter my ashes somewhere amazing.

The Biava Quartet were amazing. They all played standing, with the exception of the celloist which I thought added to the emotion and intensity of the performance. Completely physical. Rock stars.

It's been a while since I've seen a stringed instrument that hasn't been plugged into a stack of amplifiers. I'd forgotten how amazing it is to hear classical music straight from the instruments to my ears. Big sound coming from four people.

So yeah, it was great to meet them and as always, music helps me clear my head when it needs clearing. It was an emotional evening. Just perfect.

On Sunday I had dinner with an amazing woman and her younger sister who I met recently. She's from Poland and it was great to finally really get to know her and have one of those great evenings full of conversation. It was so good in fact that I decided to walk them home nearly three and a half miles even though it was completely the opposite direction from where I was heading. But it was a beautiful night, and a full moon and we laughed and talked and walked through Lincoln Park and before we knew it, we had arrived at her place. It was a great night.

So yeah, new experiences are good. Always good to try new things and meet new people.

I'm in the process of updating the website with a new design. There are also plans in the works for a Billy Sheahan Photography 2007 calendar and perhaps some limited edition hardcover books, just in time for holiday gift giving. The marketing department of Billy Sheahan Photography is in full swing gearing up for lots of exciting things! Stay tuned.

I'm many things....

Photographer

Writer

Teacher

Musician

Film Editor

Director

Buddha

Ambassador

There are probably more.

All of these things that I am play together. Some needing more attention than others at any given moment.

At this moment, the writer is screaming for attention. The photographer has a great deal of work to get done this weekend. More than there are hours in the day, but until the writer gets his way, nothing is going to get done. So there we are.

Write.

I'm feeling a sense of sadness today because I've made the decision to put something away that I have really loved. I'm not going to get into specifics, but it's something that has really shaped me the past year, I think for the better. Challenged me. Forced me to grow. Forced me to learn again. Made me focus in order to succeed.

And I have succeeded.

But recent events out of my control have made this thing that I've loved in the past very painful in the present. Painful to the point that it's beginning to affect forward movement on so many other positive things in my work and life. Like an appendage that has become infected, it has to be cut off, even though losing it causes me tremendous sadness.

One thing that I've learned in my life over the years is that, for me, it's difficult to heal in close proximity to something that has injured me. It's not impossible to do it, but it takes much longer. It's not that I'm not strong enough. I have proven to myself that I am. But it's just not healthy to be in an environment that continues to cause pain. Keeping my hand in the fire isn't proving anything. It's just being dumb now.

I'm doing this now because I don't want it to be ruined forever, and I can now see that it will be unless I make some changes immediately.

I will love this thing again, but I will only be able to do it after I get some distance between the pain and the love. The only thing that can do that is time. Time to not think about it. And in time, I'll find a way to do it again that isn't in such an unhealthy environment.

When I'm faced with something painful, my friends who know about it always ask me what I'm going to do with that pain photographically. What art am I going to make out of it? I never have an answer to it because, for me, art is joyful. Making art is such a positive experience for me that if I'm doing it, I rarely feel anything but happiness and inspiration. And it then, in turn, is inspiring to others much of the time. So to make art out of something that is painful or about something that hurts has really been beyond my scope historically.

But I may have figured out a way to do it this time. Well I should say I've figured out the concept, but I'm not sure it's something I can technically do. By that I mean, I'm the subject of the photograph, but I need to be behind the camera at the same time and it will be impossible to do both. I can always have someone else behind the camera, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about that since it's a very personal project. Camera timers and other devices will not give me the time I need to release the shutter and get into the frame in the way I'm imagining.

I'll figure it out. I just may not figure it out today.

Okay, writer. You've had your moment in the sun. Now it's time to give someone else a chance. The others have things to do as well in the next 12 hours.

You good?

Yes?

Okay, then we'll see you next time.

I'm going to see a concert tonight with a friend of mine. I have been healed many times by music. In amazing places. I'm looking forward to losing myself in it again, only to find what I need to walk forward.

A New York Minute

My head is still a little askew from the sleep deprivation gymnastics I pulled off this weekend, but it was worth it. My great friends Mark and Cheree invited me to New York for a party they were having on Saturday, and I just couldn't pass it up. Of course it meant flying out at 6am Saturday morning and getting on another plane back at 6am Sunday morning without sleeping at all on Saturday night and only a couple of hours on Friday night. So yes, I'm a bit tired right now writing this.

But it was great fun. We had a little BBQ in Riverside Park near the banks of the Hudson River near Mark and Cheree's place. As always it was a very international guest list. France and New Zealand were represented as well as two of us from Chicago. Great discussions and great fun with everyone bringing a little something to contribute to the food menu.

Then it was out to dinner at one of my recent favorite restaurants on the Upper West Side called Purtutti on Broadway near 112th. It's the same one a few doors down from the diner they show ever night on Seinfeld and this time I got a proper photograph of it with my good camera so it's easier to see than the one I took with my phone camera back in March. The photo was taken from the wrong side of the diner than the shot that is featured on the TV show, but you it should be a good enough image to make you go, "Oh yeah! That diner!"

After dinner we took in a movie, Who Killed the Electric Car?, which is both amazing and really sad. So many of the world's problems are being exacerbated by politicians in bed with the oil and car industries and an American public that refuses to think of long term consequences of our dependence on oil. It's an important film but one that makes you sad.

The electric car is not some distant technological vision of the future. Several hundred were built by GM, widely embraced by those who managed to get to the top of a long waiting list and lease them and then were taken back by GM a couple of years ago and literally crushed to erase any trace of their existance. Gone and with them an viable alternative to gasoline powered cars.

Incredible.

It was a little after midnight by the time the movie was over, and so I bid Mark and Cheree farewell and decided to go explore Manhattan on foot on my own with my camera for a few hours before heading back to the airport and back to Chicago. I was tired by then, but it was a nice change to walk around looking for interesting things to photograph in the middle of the night.

The lens I brought with me was not the one I wanted to bring, but in my haste to leave early Saturday, just grabbed the wrong one, so my images were a little more challenging. I had inadvertently brought a 100mm lens, which is more of a telephone lens than I usually shoot architecture with, so I have to focus primarily on the detail of buildings rather than the whole buildings themselves. But it was an interesting exercise. All of the pictures here were taken last night with that lens.

About 3am, I decided to walk to one of my favorite places on the island in the Village called Yaffa Cafe. They're open 24 hours and it's the perfect place to go and chill for a while. Great healthy food and tea and coffee and a great staff. I ordered some Camomile tea and some fruit, yogurt and granola as a bit of breakfast before getting on the plane and just soaked in the atmosphere and talked to the guy who was waiting on me.

A nice peaceful end to a great little New York visit.

About 4am, I headed out to grab a cab back to LaGuardia and the ridiculousness that is air travel and was back at my place before 8am.

A long wonderful day.

(Inside the beautiful and cozy Yaffa Cafe)